Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
