im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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