Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
