my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
