We're like a lot better than the average bears
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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