i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
