Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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