My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
