Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
