not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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