1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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