I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
