Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
