my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
