Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
