I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I could make wine with my vomit
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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