great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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