Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
