Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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