I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
