i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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