I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
