Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cut my penus on the lid.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
