I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is Oprah even human
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
