My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
