he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
