Actions speak louder than pants.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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