Soap is not a condiment
Fuck appropriateness.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
