she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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