do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
