IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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