True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
