he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i dont even know how to be here
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize