Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
