That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
