I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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