Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
