i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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