he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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