Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
