My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
