So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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