i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
