Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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