Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
