I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The beer is more important than you right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
