What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
