I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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