I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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