im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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