he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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