Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
