It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize