i think i scared a bird with my dick
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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