I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
