so that wasnt chicken after all
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize