I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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