I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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