Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
