Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
