I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
