i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
