God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
