I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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