I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
