with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
