Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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