Already got asked if we're dating
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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