swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize