I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
operation have a gay friend backfired
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
