Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
