He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
