yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize