I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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