I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
