I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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