i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
